Donaldism (The Religion): A review (Excerpts from "The Book of Quack")

Disclaimer: This is a highly censored version and has nothing significant to do with those who exist and those who existed (future: improbable), and there is nothing at all to be concerned about, for those who like to be concerned about...

The man was smoking, and he thought there should be a God. And quack! There was a God, right out of the puff. God was perfect, for there was a doubt as to what be his gender, although 50% of the followers (who, after the God was named Donald 'the' Duck called themselves Donaldists later on) doubted God as a Male. God was awestruck, as were the followers, and hence to ease the situation a bit he announced in his perfectly effeminate (for there hasn't been a more effeminate tone ever in the history of anything including microwave ovens) dialect "Let there be some light". But because  it was not dark yet, so there already was some light, and thus there was no point in his announcement as there was none in his existence. God realized something, and the man realized he had sinned, almost at the same time.

The conversation between the man and the God was then sorta plagiarism-ed from 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy' (the largest selling book in universe, more than even 'Encyclopedia Galactica') by pure coincidence (although there was a possibility that God and the man both were aware of the book for it is the highest selling one).
Here is what could be recollected of the conversation, in a directly narrative manner, -

The Man said: "So God now that you are here, please come ahead and announce that you exist"

God: " That I can't do, nor can I refute it, for anything that I would say about my existence would result in the end of belief, and without belief I am nothing"

The Man: "That is enough, you can shut up now"

God: " Holy Quack! I didn't realize that" (by default....in his effeminate speech tone)

The man again realized that he had sinned, so he went to McDonald, ordered an extra mayo burger, confessed his sin to it, and then ate it up. (It's been a prevalent trend among Donaldists ever since then, in fact it is the 3rd most popular way for redemption; first one being: peeing in the direction of Disneyland, and the 2nd one: saying "quack quack" whenever possible, as it is the only incantation uttered by God with some air of mystery to it.)

Another famous incident goes like this:
The Man: God, don't you think it is effing-quack of a fact that we are compromising with just one more God than those Atheist bimbos...
God: Ah, never thought about that! So let there be others.
(However there were others already, for even if there had been none because they ceased to exist, Carl Marx would  have been declared one anyway, and thus there was no point....)

Because of utter insignificance of God (and even the man), donaldists don't bother much about any more crap now a days including duck-shit.

The ultimate sins of Donaldism are:
Saying no to Beer
Saying no to Women
...Under any circumstances...

However suicide is a grave sin (Donaldism eats its quacks up here..though it never preaches of death and suicide bombing, for it never preaches anything of no-significance at all except things which are significant: Women and Beer)...so if a donaldist was to say no to any of the two because of his reason to live till and after the ends of the universe unlike a cockroach (cockroach will live only till the end of the universe), putting aside all wisdom, philosophy, and common sense, then he must seek to compensate himself asap. Because of this clause  in "The Book of Quack", Donaldists are virtually 'immorally immortals'.
(They are not 'immorally immortal asses' only because "The Book of Quack" says: "A donaldist is anything but an ass")

[Based on an illuminative discussion with self-acclaimed 'donaldistisqe prophets']

~ Vivek